She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
