I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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