all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
