why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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