He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
