he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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