if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
