Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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