Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
