Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's get the cat blown out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize