honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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