My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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