me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
