Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
