She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
