I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
