Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
