I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
