Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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