Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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