I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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