So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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