In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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