wat bout pragnant strippers??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
