Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize