His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
