yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't deserve a penis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
