he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
