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I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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