Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
