wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Randomize
