wanna go halves on a baby?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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