She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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