I just gift wrapped bread.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
