you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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