Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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