And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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