wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
