My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
