Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
