yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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