last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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