so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She bit a glass in half.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
