is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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