i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
