just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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