The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
