when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
