so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
