Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
