how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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