Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
