He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
