Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
