it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
