I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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