just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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