Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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