I'm jealous of your bromance
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its not stalking. its research.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is my gift to your gina
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
