let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We left an ass print on the piano.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
