She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize