If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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