I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
