Me too!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
