Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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