i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
