Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
