Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
