two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
