Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my being single is dangerous.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
