I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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