I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
