I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
