Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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