Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
