remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
