please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
