Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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