he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
