i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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